How can we support children through change?

I been thinking a bit about the changes that are happening this time of year with kids starting school. Primary school, secondary school, university. Some kids getting more independence. Maybe going away. Going out with their friends more. How we react or respond to that change.

You might have a child who is starting school. You might have a child who is going to high school. Maybe your child is going to university. What’s happening with these new milestones? These new changes. What’s coming up for you? Are you thinking about your experiences? Maybe you didn’t like high school, primary school. Maybe you didn’t like university. Maybe you did, maybe you’re the opposite. Maybe you really liked those places.

How can we be there for our children? How can we be there to help guide them through these changes? I suppose with any sort of change there is the temptation to step in. There’s the temptation to help out, do things we think we need to do for our loved ones.

How much we need to step in? What does that do if the child or teenager always sees that we’re there? We’ve got their back. How much can we let them run with things? Give them the opportunity to fail. The opportunity to succeed. Work things out for themselves, see what happens.

Quite often we’re not ready for change. It just happens. A child might say “I want to do this thing. I want to do that thing. I want to have more independence”. Maybe there’s a certain amount of resistance from us. How do we deal with that? Do we put up our barriers? Do we say “I don’t think we should do that yet”. Do we talk to our partners, our friends, talk to the child? Try to give them more agency.

What are the red flags? What’s the stuff that’s coming up for you? Are you procrastinating? Are you worried about worst case scenarios, about what might happen? Where is the evidence for that stuff? Do you think that’s really going to happen or are you running away with your own thoughts?

Can you sit with what’s going on for you without jumping to conclusions or solutions?